I've Got Questions! (Please Don't Stone Me!)

So I've got questions!

I start with some personal examples to try to ask questions without opening a forum of rock throwers . . . we'll see how it goes.

Growing up, my parents taught the importance of the physical body; that the body is a temple.  I was taught not to desecrate that body with alcohol, tobacco, tattoos, immodesty, immortality . . .  even caffeine and pierced ears.  But on that same note, I do not ever recall my parents ever telling me that people who drank alcohol or smoked or had tattoos or drank Coke or had pierced ears were bad people.  Never!

Yet, in my little girl mind I was conflicted. How could people not know that their body is a temple?  Why would people choose to drink or smoke or get a tattoo?  And were pierced ears really so bad?

Before anyone cries foul I am completely aware that caffeine, tattoos and pierced ears are "electives," if you will. One can drink caffeine or have pierced ears or tattoos and still be worthy to enter into the temple.

So why is it that "elective" principles bring a lot of criticism to those who choose to teach them and live them differently in their families?

Here are some examples:

Example 1: In our family we have chosen not to drink caffeinated or energy drinks.  That's right - no Diet Coke, no Mountain Dew, no Dr. Pepper.  I know, harsh!

So imagine my surprise when I met a couple who had additionally chosen not to partake of chocolate of any kind.  Yes, you read correctly: N.O. C.H.O.C.O.L.A.T.E.!

When I first learned about this part of me wanted to shake them into oblivion to let them know that EATING CHOCOLATE IS NOT A SIN!! The other part of me just wanted to sob uncontrollably for their earthly loss. And then there was that part of me that thought, for just a nanosecond, "Should I be giving up chocolate, too?"

Question: Why? Why do my feelings tend to be defensive when another's choice has nothing to do with me?  Why do I think I should clarify for others that their choice is not "necessary" in gaining eternal life?

Example 2: In our family, we are very, very, extremely careful about the movies and TV shows we watch and bring into our home. If my husband and I don't get to watch a movie before our children, then we watch it together as family.

So imagine my surprise when a family I know and love does not allow their children under 13 to watch PG-13 movies. "What about Forever Strong or Courageous?" I asked in complete disbelief.  "Nope!" She smiled confidently. "Not even Hoosiers or . . . 17 Miracles?" I choked.  "Not until they are 13," she  responded.

I was in complete shock. My first thought: Seriously?! Those are such good movies with such great messages. My 7 year old has seen every single one of them more times than I can count!  My second thought: So, you thought you were careful with the movies your children watched? Are you really?"

Question: Why? Why would I first find a reason to mentally criticize when I know for a surety that that has been done to me about many of the choices/rules/procedures we have made in our family?  And secondly, why would I question my own ability to set boundaries for my family?

Example 3: In our family we teach the importance of modesty, by adhering to the principles taught HERE.  We begin this teaching at birth so that when our children are ready to make sacred, temple covenants they will not need to make any changes to their wardrobes.

Question: I know many families where tank tops/short shorts for girls and skinny jeans for boys are okay.  They are good, wonderful families that I love.  But since that is not how I teach my children, I want to know how has a less-strict dress code affected the way their children view modesty? How has it blessed their family?  What have been the pros?  the cons?

Finally . . .
In sharing a few personal examples, I am very aware that I could easily be viewed as 'highly judgmental.'  I don't want to be.  I'm trying to learn how not to be.  And yet, I'm eager to learn other points of view without having to be stoned for sharing mine. :)

How can I learn from those who teach and believe differently than I do regarding "elective" principles?  What can I do differently when others' "elective" principles are different than mine?  How can peace and harmony be maintained even when there is a difference of opinion?

I'd love to hear your answers . . .and no rocks allowed!

The Fathers in my Life

Father's Day is a time to reflect upon and show gratitude for the fathers and father figures in our lives.  I hope you will reflect upon the men who have blessed your life for good.

I am grateful for Bishops.  

I've had many a bishop in my day, Fathers of the Ward, to which they are sometimes referred. I've visited with these "fathers" on numerous occasions: for temple recommend interviews, for callings and releases, for tithing settlements. And while I have always had a great deal of respect and admiration for these men, I've never had cause to visit specifically with the bishop.

Not too long ago, however, I found myself in a situation that I could not reconcile.  Even after discussing it with my husband, I still felt unsettled and anxious.  I prayed for an answer from Heavenly Father.  And the answer came, "You need to see the Bishop."  The bishop?  But I knew the matter was NOT a bishop matter.  Stubbornly I insisted to myself that I would not bother the bishop on something I felt I could resolve on my own. But the feeling to visit with him was so persistent that I knew if I didn't I would be rejecting an answer from the Lord.  So finally after dragging my feet for a full week, I went to see the Bishop.

Immediately, upon seeing him, the peace and comfort I prayed to have was rewarded to me simply because of my obedience. My bishop gave me the counsel and direction my soul needed. That single experience enables me to testify that the Father of the Ward, the Bishop, is there for each one of us in our hour of need and we will be directed by the Spirit to seek his help and guidance.

I am grateful for my earthly father and his love for the gospel.

Growing up, my father saw to it that we had family prayer, family scriptures, family home evening.  We attended church together, and every six months we sat down as a family and watched General Conference together in our living room.  His guidance always led me to search the scriptures  and teachings of latter-day prophets.  I remember vividly the fireside talk President Benson gave in February 1987.  It was about mothers staying home.  Honestly, that talk would have been erased from my memory if it hadn't been for a high school teacher, who, the very next morning who singled me out and asked me in front of the whole class,  "So, what are you going to do with what President Benson counseled?" I marveled at his question because he didn't even go to church!!  Why would he care?  Except that it was his class that was the catalyst of what I wanted to do for the rest. of. my. life.  

I began pondering my teacher's question and pondering President Benson's talk for days.  Heavenly Father certainly wouldn't expect me to choose between a family and a profession!  Couldn't I have two cute kids and a great career?  When my pondering mind wore out I took the matter and discussed it with my dad.  He knew how much I loved this career choice . . . but he also knew there were blessings to be had by being obedient to the prophet.  My dad's final words on our discussion were these, "When the time comes, you'll know what to do.  Heavenly Father will let you know what is right for you."

I am forever grateful to an earthly father who directed me to my Heavenly Father . . . and I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father who gave me my answer.

I am grateful for my husband, the father of our children. 

This year will mark 21 years of marriage for us.  It was that long ago when, kneeling together at the temple altar, that we were admonished of Heavenly Father's commandment to "multiply and replenish the earth!"  If anyone would have told us, even ten years ago, that we would parents of nine children, we would have completely doubted their competency! 

When our oldest was two and a half and our twins were a mere FIVE months, I found out that I was expecting . . . again.  While I was very apprehensive of what others would say about our fast growing family, I was even more concerned on how my husband would respond.  

I broke the news to him a few days later at a gas station, while he was pumping the car with gas.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I awaited his reaction.  And to my utter surprise not only did he smile, he glowed.  "We're going to have another one?" he asked with pure anticipation.  How blessed I felt at that moment to know that it didn't matter what anyone else would say about the number of our children or how close together we had them. I knew that in our little world of family, all that mattered was that my husband was happy to be a father!

The most important Father in my life is my Heavenly Father.

As far as earthly fathers and earthly father figures are concerned, I have found none to be perfect.  Even those for whom I have deep love and respect have fallen short on more than one occasion. Those occasions have caused me to drop to me knees in humble prayer to receive counsel, direction and peace from my Heavenly Father.

In his book, As the Father Hath Loved Us, Elder Vaughn J. Featherstone wrote, "Imagine the Father amidst the worlds without number, plans for redemption, the work of the atonement, and His eternal ministry, which we know so little about.  And yet in all His majesty, He hears the tiniest whisper of a prayer from the least of all His creations and cares and responds with an Answer."

During the most darkened times in my life - times when I have felt hopeless or lonely; afraid or forgotten; unforgiving or angry, I have always been able to offer every, last ounce of my soul to my Heavenly Father. Knowing that even in offering up my very worse self, He not only will listen, He will not only understand, He will still love me. I have no doubt that Heavenly Father loves me as His daughter. Heavenly Father is the most important Father in my life.

Happy Father's Day!

Butt of the Devil and Other Happenings the First Week of Summer Vacation

On our first day of the first week of Summer Vacation, we went BIG and switched all the boys' bedrooms around, which, I should mention, is not for the faint of heart! Because it means laundry up the wazoo (including bed linens that haven't been washed for HOW LONG?!?!), bags and bags and bags of clothes to take to the thrift store, and more than just a sneak peek of what was really hidden under their beds.

This week we hit Costco several times.  For food samples.  Right around the time I should have been feeding them lunch. Costco always does such a great job on bringing the variety - and the clean up was so worth it.

We all signed up for the Summer Reading Program at our county library.  The younger children were totally motivated by the food prizes. The teenagers finally consented when they found out that they had more options than just reading for 20 minutes a day (like downloading music and watching a DVD).

We found time to make some family favorites for dinner: Navajo Tacos, Crepes (with vanilla pudding/chocolate powdered sugar and chicken salad/white sauce as fillings); Pancakes (with eggs and sausage), S'mores, and hot-off-the-grill Hamburgers!

And conveniently interspersed throughout this perfect sounding first week, we've dealt with CONTENTION  or, as we unaffectionately refer to it in our family, the "butt of the devil." This absolutely repulsive phrase came about, on accident, during a Family Home Evening, when one of our sons planned a scripture chase for our activity.  After giving us clues to about five or six scripture references and getting frustrated that we were finding them too quickly, he decided to give us clues that were not so apparent. For example, instead of saying "I will go and do" as a clue, he gave "He shall prepare a way."  Instead of  saying "born of water and spirit," he clued us with "he cannot enter." And, for "contention is not of Me" we got "but . . . of the devil."  And with a houseful of kids it was immediately translated to "butt of the devil." And it stuck. like. glue.

So in an effort to rid our home from this awful plague, I've had to individually sit down with each child and help them recognize the triggers that cause them to contention.  Each child has made a list of things they can do when the inkling of the spirit of contention begins to move upon them and another list of consequences they will undergo if they are found contending.  SIGH!  We will see how it works.  Along with a lot of prayer on my part.

Because as much as I love summer vacation, I despise the butt of the devil.

Family Home Evening - Covenants and Ordinances

Our children learned about covenants and ordinances on Sunday.  As we had a family discussion,our children could readily define what a covenant is, but it took a while to be able to define and better understand what an ordinance is.

So, I drew this picture and here is the summary of our discussion.  (To be honest, it wasn't much better with a crayon, but it illustrates our discussion.)

Heavenly Father's Plan
We lived with our Heavenly Father before we were born.  Before we came to earth Heavenly Father created a plan.  That plan, if followed, would help us return and live with Him again.  That plan included keeping His commandments and making and keeping covenants.

What is a covenant?
A covenant is like a contract or a promise.  Instead of being between two people, it is a sacred promise between God and you and me!  God sets the conditions or the rules of the covenant.  We promise to obey the conditions.  As we obey, we are blessed.  When we disobey we cannot receive the blessings that can be ours.

What is an ordinance?
An ordinance is the way we to say to Heavenly Father, I want to make a covenant!! On earth, when two people enter a contract they usually sign have an important document, witnessed by someone with legal authority.  In the gospel of Jesus Christ, we don't sign a document to say we are making a covenant.  Instead, individuals perform a special sacred act, usually during a ceremony.  These ordinances must be performed by the authority of the priesthood. An ordinance is like signing a contract with our Heavenly Father.  Ordinances also come with set prayers. These prayers must be said exactly - word for word - for they are the covenants the Lord has made for us!

Baptism and Receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost - The First Ordinances of the Gospel
The very first covenant we make with God is the covenant of Baptism by immersion.  It is the first ordinance we perform in order to make it back to our Heavenly Father's home.  In the scriptures it tell us that baptism is the GATE which opens up to the path that leads to eternal life.  This is followed by the ordinance of receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost.

The Sacrament
Each week we partake of the sacrament.  The sacrament is an ordinance.  We must partake of it weekly in order to return to our Heavenly Father. The sacrament reminds us that we have covenanted to 1) take upon us the name of Jesus Christ, 2) that we will remember Him and 3) that we will keep His commandments.  If we do our part, we are promised that the Holy Ghost will always be with us.

The Temple
Keeping our baptismal covenants prepares us to enter into the temple, or the House of the Lord.  In the temple we make additional covenants.  The covenant of eternal marriage is the highest of all the covenants we make in the temple.

Enduring to the End
After we have made our covenants, the most important thing we can do is LIVE them.  We must live them every day - until the very end of our lives - even when things in life get hard.

Celestial Glory
This is where Heavenly Father and Jesus dwell.  This is the place from where God's love emanates and where families are forever.  Making and keeping sacred covenants - by having sacred, saving ordinances performed - qualify us to live here forever and ever.

Thank you!

Thank you to my dear blogger friend who HELPED me figure out my problem! :)

I can blog again!

Help

So I'm posting with my PHONE because I can't create a post using my PC!! I've tried for days and days and days. All I get is a blank screen

Family Field Trip

One mom picking up after eight children under eight years old, eight years ago. . . tolerable.

One mom picking up after nine children ages 2 - 16, today. . . absolutely, positively worthless!!

And today I had HAD it!

It's not like my husband and I haven't sat down and discussed the matter with our children both individually and collectively.  In fact, if I had to count, I am mathematically positive we have spent the equivalent amount of hours addressing this issue as there are days in a century!!

Just yesterday I caught a listen as my husband sat down quietly with the five oldest and encouraged and invited and pleaded for them to do their chores and not complain about work. I even heard him say, "I don't like seeing your mother work so hard all the time when you are old enough to help out!"  I am sure Providence was smiling down at that husband of mine because those directives came straight from his mouth, right from his heart, without me having put them there.

And yet  . . . just one day later, our house looked like, well . . .  I'm not even going to go there.

So I'm honest when I say that today I had HAD it.

But on the other hand, I had also had it with the current Lecture Series 505 we have on WORK!  So how in tarnation was I supposed to address this issue AGAIN and make it meaningful?

Pretty sure the heavens were on my side this evening because moments after that contemplating thought, inspiration came. And when it came, I didn't hesitate one bit to act upon it!

So I gleefully and spontaneously exclaimed that we were going on a field trip!

Oh boy! Excitement! All of our children came a running!!  Our younger ones filled with sheer delight (because it was already WAY past their bedtime) and the older ones filled with complete disbelief (because who in their right mind goes on a field trip at 8:30 at night with a house looking like ours??)

We started our field trip showing THESE pictures.  I asked each of my children to take a few moments to observe what they saw and how they felt. Then we shared.

And then we started out on our exciting field trip.  It was a SILENT field trip.  No one was allowed to speak.  We walked into EVERY. SINGLE. ROOM. of our house.  And we stopped and waited for several minutes in every single room of our house. And to be quite honest, I was about to cry in every single room of our house.  And it wasn't because I felt like I was a loser of a mother who couldn't keep a clean house, because I'm SO not OCD about that.  No, I wanted to cry for I saw on my children's faces the realization of the importance of doing their chores and fulfilling their responsibilities.  Because I think they got it.  Or at least they got something!

After traveling to every room on the house, we ended of our field trip reading THIS:

"A temple is literally a house of the Lord, a holy sanctuary in which sacred ceremonies and ordinances of the gospel are performed by and for the living and also in behalf of the dead. A place where the Lord may come, it is the most holy of any place of worship on the earth. Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness."

You know, I'm pretty sure we'll still have talks and discussions.  I'm sure we may even add another 42 dozen hours to our Housecleaning/Work Lecture Series.  But tonight, each of us felt something strong enough to remember that we want our home to feel more like the temple.