Head pain complete with such intense sinus pressure that, if only it could be released, would be enough to make Old Faithful look like a splash pool for pre-schoolers.
But along with this miserableness – the ocular strain, the runny/stuffy nose, and the throbbing, constant ache radiating up and down my neck – I CAN’T TASTE A THING.
Not a darn thing.
Not the saltiness of the gravy with the buttery mashed potatoes.
Not the tang of the icy lemonade.
Not even the delicious after taste of dark chocolate hinting of mint or raspberry.
And not being able to taste has made eating a burden.
Gratefully there’s texture, because for right now Doritos and Jell-O taste exactly the same.
This week I have learned that having no sense of taste leaves me without the desire to eat.
Me! I have no desire to eat!
Which means there is nothing to enjoy.
And there is nothing to hate as well.
So I wait for hunger to set in and I eat because I have to . . not because I want to.
Which has made me better understand why Adam and Eve had to partake of the fruit and leave the Garden.
Not that they couldn’t taste. . . because the scriptures plainly say that the tree was good for food and pleasant to the eyes . . .
But because living in that Garden, as beautiful as it was (constant temperature, constant landscape, constant food), didn’t allow Adam and Eve to "taste. "
Once Adam and Eve partook of the fruit, they discovered purpose.
They discovered how to taste.
And they quickly discovered that there was joy, because there was sorrow.
And there was hope because there was despair.
And there was happiness because there was sadness.
Which brings me to agency. My ability to choose. My ability to “taste.”
Tasting allows me to to discover for myself what I love, what I hate, and what I will, at all costs, avoid.
Thus, being able to taste becomes less about filling my hunger and more about filling my soul with that which will bring me fulfillment and nourishment and strength.
Agency then, is not just about having to choose – it’s about wanting to choose.
I become filled with those choices I make.
(Gosh, I can't wait until I can taste again!)